In life, we are not taught to value ourselves.
Our whole education system is about marks, learning, repeating information and not taking too long to get your postgraduate qualifications in case you ‘hold someone else up’ coming through the system.
We are not valued for what we bring, and in particular we are not at all valued for who we are.
We learn from very young that who we are has no value, but it is learning information, or perhaps sporting achievements or being ‘the best’ at something that has some sort of value, so we start to constrain our natural personalities, conforming to some mould that does not reflect who we are.
That moulding comes from not valuing who we are, so that pain of having no value lives always deep within us, covered up by the mould. Its gets even greater as we get older as we get no feedback of value for who we are and what we bring underneath it all, as in particular we never share that deeper sensitive part of ourselves with the world!
If we do not value ourselves and do not truly value what we bring, then we are well on the way to burnout, giving up on life, withdrawing and not coping, feeling that what we do brings no value to people.
If what we do and bring makes no difference then after all, why bother, right?
When we don’t value ourselves, we start to make choices that are harming and not truly healthy.
If there is no value to who we are, then what incentive is there to make choices that truly appreciate, value, confirm and take care of ourselves?
When you think you are ‘nothing’ or are worth nothing, then it is easier to over eat, drink and eat foods that harm and intoxicate the body, get emotional, have abusive and self judgmental thoughts and think nothing of it. But all of these things have a spiraling damaging effect on the body, that keep us allowing and indeed enabling abuse of ourselves by ourselves, and by others as well: and that includes the health care system as well as the society and world that we live in in general, including our relationships. In short, we run ourselves into the ground, and we allow others to run us into the ground as well when we don’t value ourselves…
We don’t need to wait for the education system, the health care system or any another system or person to value us. We have the power to make change and bring that value to ourselves by first clocking who we are and what it is about us and the way we do things that brings value. Feeling it all and noticing it all, and then, appreciating it all.
These things are not necessarily the things that we do, but more the way we do things: our personal touch is every thing.
There is great value in the skill sets that we have chosen to learn but more than that, it is the choices that we made to learn and practice what we have chosen to practice that is the value. We brought the value by choosing that, but deeper to that, it is our way of bringing the skill that really brings value.
This is not something that we usually stop to consider and reflect on. Its not something that we are really taught. I know that I wasn’t!
The skills that we learn are not there to be brought through to people in one uniform, cookie cutter, one-mould-fits-all way! ..although we may get taught to deliver it in one particular ‘professional’ way…
Everything we do is about people and how we are with people values more than the skill set that we bring.
What we bring to people is our way, our unique touches. The way that we are with people touches their hearts.
Everyone has a unique way about them and this is something that is truly wonderful. When we connect with someone who is living true to themselves it is a delight. We are touched by their joy, the way that they move, the way that they care, their laugh, their smile and their willingness to connect with us and their confidence. When you are in the presence of someone who values themselves, you are given permission to also value yourself, and you feel valued too. This is a good feeling to have, and to inspire in others.
Did you every consider that you bring value in your daily life with:
- Your smile
- The light in your eyes
- The way you make a cup of tea in the morning
- The way that you are with your partner and family
- The way that you get dressed – that affects everyone you see all day long
- The way you set the office up in the morning so that there is no rush on everyone all day
- The way you honour your timing: it keeps you feeling great and the pressure off everyone else too
- The way you take the time to check blood tests and call your patients
- The way you speak with people
- Or the way you sit at your computer not complaining, bringing inspiration to everyone in the work place
- By your unique sense of humour expressing clearly, even if people don’t laugh, they love the fact that you love what you say
- The way you take the time to listen to your clients or patients – its quite possibly the only time they’ve been really listened to that week, if not for many years or their lifetime. We all love to be heard and feel heard. It makes us feel valued.
- The way that you touch your patient or your client. Touch is incredibly powerful; it builds trust, or mistrust depending on the quality that is felt. A tender touch makes a huge impact on people.
- The fact you care enough to pay attention to the details, and even if you don’t know, you do your best. This is a huge support for people knowing that someone is doing their best for them. It inspires trust in people.
- The fact that you turn up to work to bring your absolute all and your best. This is great value. We can’t always be ‘better than’ anyone else, nor should we try to be, but we can bring all of us and our enthusiasm and commitment to the team and our clients and patients. This is massive! And this inspires others too.
And I could continue ad infinitum!
People are more wounded by people than they are from not being a millionaire or billionaire, and they live in protection from the potential and possibility of being hurt by another person. It makes a BIG difference when someone is loving and caring in their lives and sees their value in who they really are.
We make a huge difference in the lives of everyone we meet, from our family, to the supermarket. That lady (or man) you meet in the supermarket may be having terrible financial troubles, relationship issues, potentially been abused, mistreated, feel like nobody cares about her and the fact that you stop to connect with her makes a huge difference that lasts way beyond the perhaps 20 seconds of the engagement. Your connection with her brings value to her life.
All these things and more need to be valued by us, in the way that we are. We bring so much more than just the skills we have learned as our trade or job.
When we bring ourselves as people to other people, and give ourselves permission to connect and be ourselves, we bring a great value to a persons life. Every little thing makes a big difference.
Its never too late to start to value ourselves.
Go ahead! For your healthy lifestyle tip for the week, start paying attention to everything that you do, seeing the difference it makes and the value that you bring, just by being you.
The end. Dr Maxine Szramka